My Dad vs Stage 4 Cancer
My dad and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. At least, not until I had kids of my own.
Prior to becoming a father myself, I knew everything and he knew nothing. But once you bring a child into the world, you start to realize that the things you do as a parent aren’t always popular, or forgiven. You begin to learn that most of the time, as children, we see the world through a distorted set of lenses and we have a skewed perception of reality. I know, because I did too. I never had that real connection with my dad, not because I did not love him, but because circumstances were such that our bonding did not happen until much later, when I became an adult.
Last night I was talking with my wife and she said, “You have a hero worship going with your dad.” And she’s not wrong. Who knew?
Back in early 2000, my dad and I got squeaky clean; all our misunderstandings and feelings were settled. Part of that process for me began with seeing him as a grandfather to my four kids. In his eyes, they could do no wrong, even when they did. Now, as a grandfather myself, I understand and appreciate him more.
During our reconciliation, my dad and I attended a personal growth seminar where we did many exercises together and one of them, a father-son dyad, was the single most enlightening conversation I ever had with my dad, and through its power, we were able to heal old wounds. We used to have a wall built so high and thick between us, that it seemed impenetrable. And yet, within a day there was no wall. We broke it down, together, and by the end, we were left with only mutual understanding and compassion. We had walked in each other’s shoes and we understood one another on a deeper level, not just as father and son, but as equal men, as human beings with real feelings.
Fast forward to today. Today, my dad is fighting the biggest battle of his life. Stage 4 Cancer.
I recently tried to walk in his shoes again. Except this time, I could not.
Tomorrow has never been promised. Not for me, not for you, and not for my dad. I feel an urgency in my heart to say the things I’ve carried within me for far too long, and I’ve decided that I won’t wait until it’s too late. I want to let my dad, and everyone else, know how much I love him and what a badass I think he is.
This is why I am going to document his fight to beat cancer, one step at a time. With my iPhone I’ll document what I see, what he sees, how he’s feeling, and so on. My goal is to show him how much I care, how much the family cares, and how much we all appreciate him. I want to share my dad with the world and hopefully he can make a difference to someone in the same predicament that he finds himself.
In my professional world, life can get complicated. It’s all is about delivering a product as close to perfection as you can. Everything is scripted, storyboarded, and thought-out a million times over. There’s usually a hierarchy of people involved, and there’s always someone trying to put their two cents in, some that do so just to justify their fancy titles. These forces change the focus away from the story, away from what really matters, so I won’t be doing that. I will be sharing my dad’s stories with his permission, as I see them, with very little production value. But, what I will put into them is simple: what’s in my heart, as unpolished as it may be.
With that in in mind, let me introduce you to my dad. I hope to grow up to be like him.
P.S. Like my dad, my grandkids can do no wrong, despite what their parents think.
